What's Wrong Conditioning doing to Us?

"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~ Maya Angelou

Waking up to a scandal on the internet on how people treat other human beings is one of the worst ways to make you feel early in the morning and in what kind of a place are you even existing. If you're wondering what I am talking about - it's the "Bois Locker Room" Instagram scandal that broke on the internet, precisely, Twitter, on 3rd May 2020. To know more about it - Bois Locker Room Scandal - Quint 

So, why is it that a group of young chaps, who are not even complete adults talking so disgusting about women? Why are they being so obsessed? Why is their thought process downtrodden in spite of coming from a background of high society families that have access to good education? They are privileged and civilized enough to know and educate themselves to be a better person with all the opportunity at their disposal. Such behavior is seen among both the illiterates and among the so-called "Well Educated Class". Some might think it's the age of naivety or might think 'Boys will be Boys'. Let me take a moment to correct you. No. it's nothing to do with age. Some parents think that people should get off from social media platforms because such bad incidents occur. There's not about the social media platform but it's about the people who use it. There is something seriously wrong with the way our society is being portrayed or is functioning, both implicitly and explicitly. It's something about the mentalities and conditioning all have been subjected to since ages. Conditioning begins from the way you have been subjected to a series of incidents or experiences that make you believe what you believe is right or wrong today. This holds good for many things. Conditioning also includes silencing or shying away or resenting or being delusional about an issue. 

Let me illustrate it with an example based on a true incident: 

This was in 2014 when a teenage girl, Leena, probably studying her 9th grade had an issue with her parents that is related to social media. During that time Facebook was the popular social media platform. All teens were super excited and thrilled to communicate through Facebook even though they all met in school everyday. Leena didn't have an account on Facebook initially. Everyday she would listen to all the fun that happened on the group chat and felt she was missing out all the fun. Therefore, Leena created an account and started using it. Soon she realized that Facebook is not just for fun and pass time but is a powerful tool to communicate. Meanwhile, the Nirbhaya Case was in the limelight. This young teen bubbling out of anger over the brutal incident at Delhi chose to express her angst on social media, as we all do it today. She posted on Facebook condemning the incident. Sadly, it's the only one thing that we all are able to do but voicing out and showing solidarity matters. Her father was on her friend list and he saw the post. That evening he walked up to her and blasted her for doing so. He scolded her very badly for doing so and almost was on the verge of hitting her for this. He felt what Leena had posted was very wrong. Leena was petrified and didn't understand what wrong she had done by condemning something that's so inhumane. She was forced to delete her account from Facebook, only because her father felt it was wrong and hideous fear remained with her against the usage of Facebook and to interact with strangers. It is observed that even after 6 years, the fear still persists. Besides all this, her mother watched this melodramatic one-way fight in silence even though she felt what her husband did was not right. 

Now here is what I want you to take away from aforementioned: 

1. Firstly Leena created her account out of peer-pressure. We tend to do things thinking that it's all fun but excuse me, it is not. 

2. Leena was curtailed from communication over social media for just one incident. If you find something wrong, correct it and educate people but do not curtail them or make them grounded. 

3. The way Leena's parents reacted crippled a fear for her to voice out. Right form of communication and reinforcement is necessary in order to give a right conditioning to a child on what's right and wrong. 

4. Do not shove your opinion or point of view upon others, especially in a threatening way. Respect other's opinion and convey your disagreement with peace, respect and dignity. 

5. Leena's mom was silent. Silence is a disaster when one knows what is wrong but doesn't choose to voice out. 

Education of virtues and values is a must to stop such heinous crimes. Virtues and values come from the space of conditioning. 

(Credits: TED-Ed - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6LEcM0E0io)

Coming back to the scandal, yes, it's not rape that happened on the group. No girl or woman was raped but the very thought for a boy or a man to be comfortable to say that he can do so or think so about a girl or woman, is in itself horrendous. It speaks so much about our society, it's negatives and dark shades. Patriarchy that comes with an entitled and egoistic behavior is one of the biggest reasons. For those who don't realize or understand what patriarchy is either watch the film Thappad available on Amazon Prime or can read this - The Patriarchy - Painfully Convincing

(Photo: Instagram Screengrab)

Another important thing to be noticed - the above mentioned scandal or the popular crimes like Nirbhaya or Disha are just known to us because they are REPORTED. Yes, we know them because they are reported on the official records of the government and media; but what about the harassment that people, I said people not just women, are subjected to in the daylight that aren't reported? Who is dealing with that? Who is making peace with that part of life which made them feel gross? Who is rendering justice to those victims? The answer is no one. I always read that most cases that fall into the same heinous crime categories, which are sadly more complicated in nature, are not reported. You know why? Most of the surveys and reports convey that almost 80% of the abuser is well known to the victim. It is one of the biggest reasons to not report. Some of the victims also feel that they can handle the abuse done to them on their own. Bravo to all those who have fought the battle on their own and have made peace with it, if not the justice. 

It just takes a clear well educated mind to speak a few words of rebellion and stand up for what they believe - to break this cycle of wrong conditioning of people. It's YOU who can be the change and start one. If I have done it in my little space, so can you.  

I am writing all this in a hope to see a better tomorrow with much respectful and peaceful society. Hoping to see you on the other side.